Emma Perez, Associate Editor DPFF, 2009
1. Increase the distance between your tv and your fridge. It is even better to keep them in different apartments.
2. Derange the elevator in your block and change the wallpapers with photos of super fat people.
3. Eat horse-drench of fibers. You will spend more time in the toilet, where you will be able to develop fully your strategy for fighting overeating, sedentary life and stress.
4. Replace bread and water with beer. That is how you will rise in your self-esteem, and will give you courage to realize the next steps. Beer will let you watch several football games in a row without feeling guilty.
5. Wear stupid clothes that will make you choose roundabout routes to your job and to walk faster, because you will look like an idiot.
6 . Carry out all your wife’s wishes, this will surely ruin your sleep, finances and spare time, but guarantees that you will burn twice more calories.
7. The only two things allowed are laugh and sex, in unlimited quantities. By irony of fate the most efficient is most hardly achievable, because watching porn doesn’t count. If you don’t have any sense of humor, your chances to succeed are getting smaller, but don’t worry in your anger you will melt down quite calories.
8. Start telling the truth. Everyone will think that you are a fool, and you’ll be able to do all the stupid things you want. That is going to be the most interesting and harmonious part of your life. Stress-one of the major reasons for your overweight is beaten.
9. If all these advices do not work for you-invest all your money on the stock exchange, when you are broke, problems with overweight won’t bother you anymore.
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